I knew this day would come when I would turn around and look at my life on a panoramic scope and see the many people involved, the many people who were involved, and the many people who I believe will never again be involved. I pretty much have chosen those people who I will and must retain relationships with and am careful as I walk the high wire of relationships to acquaintances, co-workers, neighbors. In the past I have said too much. I have learned to listen very carefully in the dead of night to the advice that my body gives me when my mind asks for answers.
There are very specific questions I have been asking about specific people lately, and some of the answers come before I am done just thinking of them and others linger around half answered. Some of them are answered and I just cannot accept them yet. Some of them are waiting to be heard once again. I retreat into my breath now and listen carefully to it on its length and rythmn against the sea or the crowd or the night.
I am dealing with the decline of the way I used to be, the way I have come to accept that I am, and the way that I yearn to be. I am dealing with the decline of the way things are for the people around me and see things changing for them, making them unhappy or unwell or unsettled. I know that all things are born, grow, and die. It's the natural order of things. As time goes by and people change one way or another the cycles speed up and you see things "turn for the worse" or "turn for the better" and perhaps wonder how and when things will turn for better or worse for yourself. Things that seemed so dramatic are suddenly trivial. Things that have always been, no longer are. The loss of life, of health, of relationships, of people...this dealing with decline is something we all do, we all face.
Dealing with it is difficult for anyone and there is no handbook on how to do it. The decline of family members and relationships is on my mind more and more lately as I am tuning in to what I personally have to do about it. Going to my son's graduation this week really shed light on how quickly the time does pass, how people come and go and how much time do we really spend with the people we say we care about? How much is too much or too little? How often do we get wrapped up in one or two people or things that we are involved in and alienate the rest? The balance is found for me in silence. I am grateful for the time in solitude to strain it all out and to be able to share some of it with you. Thank you again for reading...
Until Next Time