Monday, July 18, 2011

...Such A Liar...

So many times I have recently read about the Power of Keeping Silent...
I write every single day, several pages and I keep them piling up with my rantings and ravings and plans. I find so much peace there on the page. This morning in particular I remembered that I said today is "Monday Musings" day...and it keeps me on track to check in with my friends who are reading along with me. I am grateful for that, and I feel thankful to have this place to do so.

I have been changing a lot of things...and the people around me are rapidly changing as well. I woke up this morning feeling completely disheveled and displaced. I had to keep asking myself WHAT AM I DOING HERE?! Pulling out my paper and pen, I found out that answer and several more. I started a new painting and a pencil drawing. I reminded myself of the powerful thoughts and quotes around me. I told myself that I am most definitely not the only one with that same question and I am also one that will do the hard work to make sure I do what I love to do without being attached to the outcome.

I made sure that I spaced out my time so that everyone had the attention they needed. I wondered about how I felt about always being so busy and then reminded myself that this is all there is...I am thankful for the people around me. I appreciate that my children are separate people from me and that they evolve as their own separate beings who are grateful to be treated as such. They are so different from me. I do not own them. I am here to keep them safe and happy and its a lot of work. I am not complaining. It is because of them that I chose to squeeze in the paintings and writings and drawings...this shows them that I, too, have my own life and things that I am interested in doing. It teaches them that is it important to be able to do things for yourself that you love to do, and that there is nothing wrong with it.

I also thought about what a liar I can be, to myself. How I plan and project and scatter things around already knowing that it is a recipe for disaster. Hi, my name is Carole and I am a master multi-tasker. I must surrender this because it causes my ADD to go into over drive and at the end of the day I have five projects that will never be finished. This too is hard work. These past few weeks I have been talking to myself...ALOT...and lying about not wanting to be engaged in so many projects. I MUST crop off somewhere. I will continue to work on this...the deep breathing and studying yoga/meditation is definitely an asset at this point!
I have also been involved with some unresolved emotions and so I do not like to write, or even talk sometimes when this is going on. I would rather "be silent" than to spread heavy or negative stuff I hope that as soon as my capsized ship of sharing rights itself, I will be writing more often.

Thank you as always for reading!
Until Next Time ~

No comments:

Post a Comment

About Me

My photo
Fairfield, CT, United States
Originally this blog was created to house the writings for The Red Queen. She is the Muse that inspires this Author and Artist and is the insidious channel that opens to admonish all doubt and fear. She allows what needs to be, TO BE. Carole Anzolletti is the Author and Illustrator of "Whispers of the Goddess" Poetry and Prose and is currently working on a body of writing called "The Forest Labyrinth." She has also been known as "Lady Pegasus" and formerly had the domain until 2009 when she changed it to She is a seller of art and craft and has sold her work all over the world. Currently her eBay id is: art_by_carole_anzolletti